A scene from the hospital

So I went to the hospital today (after over a month of waiting for the appointment) and it was very weird.

Doctor: Hello. So basically, you are too thin.
Me: Oh.
Doctor: What is your diet like?
Me: Well, I don't really each much meat, and I never snack.
Doctor: Hm, yes. Well you may need to eat a bit more.
Me: How much weight do I need to put on?
Doctor: Let's weigh you, shall we?

*We go into the corridor to weigh me*

Doctor: Hm, looks like you need to put on three-quarters of a stone.
Me: Right. What should I eat?
Doctor: Cake. Oh, and alcohol is full of calories. Drink lots of alcohol. Especially Baileys. There are loads of calories in Baileys.
Me: Mmm, I love Baileys!

*more senior doctor walks past*

Doctor 2: What's that about Baileys? I love Baileys.
Doctor 1: She needs to put on weight.
Doctor 2: Ah, yes, good idea. Drink lots and lots of alcohol. As much as you like, as long as you don't drive afterwards, okay?
Me: Okay.
Doctor 1: I wish someone would tell me I needed to drink more Baileys.
Doctor 2: I could do with some Baileys right now.

*Random nurse overhears*

Nurse: Oooh, Baileys on ice!
Me: Mmmmm, yes, lovely!
Doctor 1: Mmmmm!
Doctor 2: Baileys!
Me: I'll definitely do that.
Doctors 1 & 2: *nodding enthusiastically* Yes, yes. Baileys.
Me: Right, well. Thanks for that.
Doctors 1 & 2 & nurse: Bye now! Don't forget to drink some Baileys!
Me: Bye!

*I turn around to see everyone in the waiting room glaring at me*

So that is how I was medically advised to start binge drinking. Life is good. I think I might go and have a nice little Baileys on ice now...